Porn, Shopping Carts, Ice Cream, & Day 6 of my 10 in 20 Detox

March 4th was the last time I fully shared my heart on this blog.
I’ve put a few graphics up since, but nothing that meant much to me.

Someone stole one of my graphics with my poem, name, and blog site on it and linked it to a porn site. I was so hurt, violated, and really pissed off!

I went into my turtle shell, deleted my Instagram, and Twitter pages, and convinced myself I was safer writing for me, and not sharing my heart with the world.

Then, Six days ago I started the 10 lbs in 20 days detox. All I cared about was getting healthy. I’d get a refresher in plant-based eating, drop a few pounds, and blog about it, knowing no one would care what I ate for dinner.

But I never expected to learn so much about myself in this process.

Today was the first day I felt pretty rough. 6 days on the 10 in 20, and for me its a very low-sodium diet. I am used to putting soy sauce, braggs aminos, and salt on everything! My body is detoxing.

I was out for a walk, and felt so sick I almost fainted, so I dropped to my knees in case I fell.

I was scared.

It brought up memories of fainting in grocery stores when I had Anorexia & Bulimia, and waking up next to a shopping cart, with some guy standing over me asking if I was ok.
I wasn’t ok, I was sick, I needed help, but I wasn’t ready to accept it.

An alcoholic in recovery accepts that they will always be recovering alcoholics, and they need to work their program to stay on track. Most people who battle Eating disorders go into recovery and never look back.

But for me, today was eye-opening.
I weighed myself this morning and the number shocked me.
Then for a slight moment, I experienced that anorexic mindset of how easy it would be to get the rest of the weight off, and maybe I should pull my food back even more.

Years ago the number on the scale would have given me a feeling of euphoria, and success, but this time I was concerned. I knew this was water weight from the sodium flushing out, but it concerned me and that concern was a huge blessing.

I have twenty years in recovery this year, and I’ve worked too hard to go back to that level of pain. Still, It was a reminder of how close our demons are, and at any moment temptation could suck us back into our own personal hell.

So when I felt faint, I knew I had to get my head in the game.

I cut my walk short, came home, and took care of myself. I made a massive salad for lunch, adding in tofu, veggies, and the wonderful Walnut Vinaigrette. I sprayed a little soy sauce on it, grabbed a banana, and drank lots of water after as I felt dehydrated.

I am so proud of myself. It’s a beautiful thing when you recognize unhealthy behaviors and stop them in their tracks. With my history, I could have used this detox as a launching pad for an anorexic relapse. I have done that in the past, but I just can’t live there anymore. I love myself too much, and I have worked too hard to quit now.

I wanted to do this detox perfectly, but today I decided to do it in a way that is perfect for me. That means staying compliant, but adding in foods like sodium, now and again, to help my body adjust.

So no breakfast, lunch, or dinner photos today and no video either. I was too busy taking care of me, how awesome is that? What growth!

However, I do have a photo of dessert!

Banana Walnut Ice Cream!

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So suffice it to say I won’t be fainting under any shopping carts in the future, from here on in, my carts will be filled with veggies, and I will take in the education and good health I am receiving from this amazing program.
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Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens!

Blessings,
Kathleen

 

4 thoughts on “Porn, Shopping Carts, Ice Cream, & Day 6 of my 10 in 20 Detox

  1. Stevie Luplow

    I am so glad you recognized the problem and took care of yourself lovingly rather than hurting yourself. Love you “sis”!

    Like

  2. Pearl Allard

    Kathleen, I love how you’re loving yourself! Taking care of ourselves is a way to inspire others, and everyone benefits! Just love this. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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